Neutralizing Narcissistic Manipulation: Finding Peace & Protecting Your Heart

“Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.”

If you’ve lived through toxic or manipulative relationships, you know this all too well. Conversations that should be simple spiral into chaos. You leave feeling drained, confused, and doubting yourself.

But God’s Word gives us clear guidance: “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him” (Proverbs 26:4). The Bible repeats this directive often. Do not engage, do not cast your pearls before swine, do not waste words on those who scorn wisdom. Why? Because God knows the destruction that comes from trying to reason with the unreasonable.

The DO NOT Strategy

When you can’t completely avoid contact (maybe with a co-parent, family member, or boss), you can use a simple tool to protect your peace. Laurel Slade-Waggoner developed a powerful tool called the DO NOT Strategy:

• D – Deescalate with a neutral acknowledgement, like: “I see you’re upset.”

• O – Only required responses. Answer what’s necessary. Leave the rest.

• N – No emotion. Calm, short answers diffuse manipulation.

• O – Omit opinions/advice. You don’t need to persuade them.

• T – To the point. Keep it brief and move on.

This approach doesn’t change the narcissist, but it keeps you grounded, calm, and free from unnecessary battles. Once the interaction is over, find a safe person to talk to or write out your emotions in a journal. Your feelings and opinions still deserve to be heard, but only to those who respect and honor them.

Final Encouragement

You are loved, seen, and equipped with tools to walk forward in strength. As Isaiah 61 promises, God delights in giving you “a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise for the spirit of despair.”

When you’re tempted to get pulled back into chaos, remember: God says do not, so DO NOT.

👉 Want to go deeper? In our Hope and Healing Community, we will spend this month breaking free from narcissistic manipulation through group coaching, faith-based courses, and a safe circle of women walking this same path. Just click the link below for access today.